Elaina Jadin Romance Books

HI THERE :)

Whether you're a devoted reader or a curious booklover—welcome! Here you'll find info about all my available books and other fun goodies. Have a look around and if you want to get in touch be sure to check out my Contact page.

Btw, have you read the Blackfang Barons trilogy yet?

The complete series is available on Amazon and in Kindle Unlimited!

DARK · TWISTED · SPICY

Blackfang Barons Dark Romance Mafia Series Complete

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Elaina Jadin Romance Books
Elaina Jadin Romance Books

About

Elaina spends most of her free time dreaming up her next why choose romance. Whether it's a dark reverse harem series or a heart-tugging menage standalone, she adores writing poly romance!

She found her love of writing at a young age—her favorite pasttime was staying up late to read books and scribble stories under the covers. Elaina's been writing ever since, and still stays up late to create stories when everyone else is asleep.Elaina lives in the mountains of the Eastern US with her family and their many pets. She loves dark coffee, big slices of chocolate chess pie, family game time, city skylines at night, watching it snow, and laughing at her husband's antics.She writes a variety of reverse harem and menage stories including steamy contemporary, romantic suspense, and dark romance. All of Elaina's books have sizzling chemistry, strong heroines (even if they take a bit to find their strength!), fiercely protective men, and emotionally satisfying happily-ever-afters.

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Elaina Jadin Romance Books

BLACKFANG BARONS

reverse harem · dark captive romance
completed trilogy · spicy


Stone Brothers

reverse harem · contemporary romance
completed duet · steamy


The Code Series

reverse harem · romantic suspense
completed series · steamy


WILD HEAT

mfm menage · contemporary romance
standalone · steamy


Collections

box set editions

Elaina Jadin Romance Books

FAWN

reverse harem · dark captive romance
completed trilogy · spice & kink

blackfang barons is an intense, haunting dark reverse harem romance series that follows the journey of a resilient but vulnerable heroine who is sold into a mafia crime world run by three very different but equally dangerous and dominant men


Book cover of Fawn, A Dark Reverse Harem Romance

We aren’t her saviors. We’re her worst nightmare.

We’ve been called vicious monsters. Brutal. Cold. Savage. We rule the criminal underworld the same way we rule our pack—with absolute control. We take what we want and demand complete obedience.When she comes to us, she’s damaged. Fragile. Wounded. And oh so tempting. Soft skin, haunted eyes, and a darkness inside her that sets us on edge.She’s not broken… yet. But that’s what we do best.For thirty days she belongs to us, the Baron Alphas. She’s our property, to do with as we please. She thinks it’ll be easy. That we’ll have mercy on her. That we’ll use a gentle touch. And that she’ll be able to walk away from us at the end of the month.She’s wrong.Our little fawn will come to know our cruel strength. She’ll see the fierce beasts prowling inside us. Feel the hunger of the wolf’s teeth against her throat.And she’ll beg for more.


Fawn is book one of a dark captive romance series which contains themes and storylines some readers may be sensitive to. The Content Warnings button links to a list of potentially triggering topics across all books in the Blackfang Barons series. Please be aware that this list contains spoilers!

Elaina Jadin Romance Books

FURY

reverse harem · dark captive romance
completed trilogy · spice & kink

blackfang barons is an intense, haunting dark reverse harem romance series that follows the journey of a resilient but vulnerable heroine who is sold into a mafia crime world run by three very different but equally dangerous and dominant men


FURY A Reverse Harem Dark Romance

She was stolen from us, taken by our enemies.

They think they’ve weakened us. Instead, they’ve unleashed the beasts.We swore to destroy anyone who dared to come between us, and we’ll stop at nothing to uphold that promise. The path to her will be painted in Latian blood.No mercy. No hesitation.She knows we’re the very creatures that haunt her. She’ll never forgive us for bringing her into this dark world. She’ll never crave the mark of our wolves, or embrace our savage nature.But when it comes to our little Fawn… there’s no choice.She’s ours.


Fury is book two of a dark captive romance series which contains themes and storylines some readers may be sensitive to. The Content Warnings button links to a list of potentially triggering topics across all books in the Blackfang Barons series. Please be aware that this list contains spoilers!

Elaina Jadin Romance Books

FATE

reverse harem · dark captive romance
completed trilogy · spice & kink

blackfang barons is an intense, haunting dark reverse harem romance series that follows the journey of a resilient but vulnerable heroine who is sold into a mafia crime world run by three very different but equally dangerous and dominant men

The book cover of Fate, A Dark Captive Romance by Elaina Jadin

The action-packed, emotionally gripping conclusion of the Blackfang Barons trilogy


Fate is book three of a dark captive romance series which contains themes and storylines some readers may be sensitive to. The Content Warnings button links to a list of potentially triggering topics across all books in the Blackfang Barons series. Please be aware that this list contains spoilers!

Elaina Jadin Romance Books

BLACKFANG BARONS

reverse harem · dark captive romance · mafia world
feral/primal vibes · completed trilogy · spice & kink

blackfang barons is an intense, haunting dark reverse harem romance series that follows the journey of a resilient but vulnerable heroine who is sold into a mafia crime world run by three very different but equally dangerous and dominant men


Book cover of Fawn, A Dark Reverse Harem Romance

FAWN

We aren’t her saviors. We’re her worst nightmare.

We’ve been called vicious monsters. Brutal. Cold. Savage. We rule the criminal underworld the same way we rule our pack—with absolute control. We take what we want and demand complete obedience.When she comes to us, she’s damaged. Fragile. Wounded. And oh so tempting. Soft skin, haunted eyes, and a darkness inside her that sets us on edge.She’s not broken… yet. But that’s what we do best.For thirty days she belongs to us, the Baron Alphas. She’s our property, to do with as we please. She thinks it’ll be easy. That we’ll have mercy on her. That we’ll use a gentle touch. And that she’ll be able to walk away from us at the end of the month.She’s wrong.Our little fawn will come to know our cruel strength. She’ll see the fierce beasts prowling inside us. Feel the hunger of the wolf’s teeth against her throat.And she’ll beg for more.


FURY A Reverse Harem Dark Romance

FURY

She was stolen from us, taken by our enemies.

They think they’ve weakened us. Instead, they’ve unleashed the beasts.We swore to destroy anyone who dared to come between us, and we’ll stop at nothing to uphold that promise. The path to her will be painted in Latian blood.No mercy. No hesitation.She knows we’re the very creatures that haunt her. She’ll never forgive us for bringing her into this dark world. She’ll never crave the mark of our wolves, or embrace our savage nature.But when it comes to our little Fawn… there’s no choice.She’s ours.


The book cover of Fate, A Dark Captive Romance by Elaina Jadin

FATE

The action-packed, emotionally gripping conclusion of the Blackfang Barons trilogy

Elaina Jadin Romance Books

BLACKFANG BARONS


CONTENT WARNINGS

blackfang barons is a dark captive romance series which contains themes and storylines that some readers may be sensitive to. below is a list of potentially triggering content across all books in the series. this information is provided in support of the mental and emotional wellbeing of readers who wish to avoid certain topics.


be aware that the list
☆ below contains spoilers ☆


ABBREVIATION KEY

MCs = Main Characters (heroine & male leads)
non-MCs = secondary, minor, or side characters
RH = developing Reverse Harem relationship
non-RH = existing relationship when story begins


Violence & Physical Trauma

- Medical procedures without anesthesia
- Torture, beatings, and physical abuse
- Broken bones, severe wounds, blood
- Car crashes with detailed injuries
- Mass casualties during attacks
- Medical/dental torture
- Execution-style killings
- Murder and mass murder
- Kidnapping/abduction
- Brutal fighting scenes
- Gun violence/death
- Dismemberment
- Animal attacks
- Physical assault

Relationship Dynamics (RH)

- ALL of the main characters are emotionally
  wounded & deeply damaged individuals
- Reverse harem (poly) romance
- Jealousy/territorial behavior
- Treatment as business/property
- Aggression intertwined with attraction
- Fated mates with mysterious bond
- Captivity/contract scenarios
- Deception/secret identities
- Possessiveness/obsession
- Major power imbalances
- Financial influence
- Controlling behavior
- Forced protection

Relationship Dynamics (non-RH)

- Crude objectification
- Abusive behavior
- Labor trafficking

Trauma Responses

- MC with severe PTSD
- Nightmares/night terrors
- Anxiety and panic attacks
- Flashbacks to traumatic events
- Hypervigilance and startle responses
- Fight/flight/freeze reactions
- Deep survivor's guilt
- Dissociation during trauma
- Suicide attempt (brief scene)
- Self-blame and shame
- Emotional numbing
- Trauma bonding

Psychological Abuse (by non-MCs)

- Manipulation/coercion
- Emotional violence
- Gaslighting
- Betrayal by trusted figures
- Psychological torture
- Sensory/time deprivation
- Confinement in small spaces
- Emotional blackmail
- Isolation tactics
- Identity erasure
- Threats to loved ones
- Forced compliance through fear
- Mind games and mental warfare

Traumatic Memories

- Violent death of parents
- Murder of entire family
- Institutionalization
- Cult upbringing/indoctrination
- Abuse/neglect as a child
- Ritualistic confinement
- Child abduction and trafficking
- Forced killing as children
- Ritualistic violence in childhood
- Violent training/conditioning
- Betrayal by family members
- Captivity and torture

Sexual Content (Consensual)

- Explicit sexual scenes
- Group scenes (heroine + male leads)
- BDSM and power exchange dynamics
- Exotic dancing (as a job)
- Dominant/submissive acts
- Pain play and impact play
- Blood tasting during rituals
- Public/semi-public settings
- Use of restraints/blindfolds
- Rough sex that leaves marks
- Unprotected sex/no barriers
- Feral instincts/primal drive
- Biting that breaks skin
- Claiming/marking rituals
- Double penetration
- Exhibitionism

Substance Use

- Stimulants used to escape danger
- Pain medicine used during healing
- Self-medication for trauma
- Drugging without consent
- Recreational drug use
- References to addiction
- Alcohol consumption

Speech/Words (by non-MCs)

- Dehumanizing language
- Misogynistic/derogatory terms
- Threats of sexual violence
- Superiority rhetoric
- Manipulative/gaslighting speech
- Victim blaming statements
- Coercive ultimatums
- Gaslighting dialogue
- Verbal abuse/threats

Criminal Activities

- Organized crime activities
- Mafia/rival warfare
- Weapons (detailed descriptions)
- Financial exploitation
- Human trafficking elements
- Coerced interrogation
- Organized crime operations
- Assassinations and contract killings
- Kidnapping and abduction
- Weapons trafficking
- Illegal detention/imprisonment
- Torture for information
- Espionage and surveillance
- Corruption within organizations

Sexual Crime (by non-MCs)

- Attempted assault
- Violent sexual threats
- Humiliation and degradation
- Forced acts (on non-MCs)
- Public acts / performances

Ideological Issues

- Cult-like devotion to leaders
- Chosen One mythology
- Divine right rhetoric
- Species purity concepts
- Extremist views on species relations
- Religious/mystical fanaticism
- Speciesism/supremacist ideology

Other Elements

- Complicated grief
- Toxic family dynamics
- Character deaths
- Genetic/biological changes
- Ethically questionable/unconventional/dark
  methods/approaches to therapy and healing



need clarification about anything? feel free to reach out!


while significant efforts have been made to provide an accurate and extensive content warning for this series, no list can cover every potential topic that a large and diverse population of individual readers may find disturbing. please read at your own discretion.

Elaina Jadin Romance Books

RUIN ME TONIGHT

contemporary · age gap romance · steamy

ruin me tonight is a standalone contemporary romance with hidden identities, a reclusive billionaire boss, age gap forbidden love vibes, sizzling hot first time experiences, and a sweet happily-ever-after.


Ruin Me Tonight Steamy Billionaire Virgin Age Gap Romance

RUIN ME TONIGHT

Elle Jamison's sweet, sensual smile is driving me crazy. Her curvy body is just begging for a firm hand like mine.

But she's off-limits. Not only is she fifteen years my junior, but to make matters worse, she's my employee.And far too innocent for my jagged edges.There's a reason I've hidden away in this small town, where no one knows who I really am. Or about the tragedy that haunts me.She's everything I want, and nothing I deserve.I tell myself that although it's hell, I can stay away from her and keep things professional.Then a dangerous but inviting offer presents itself—a chance to have it all, at least for one night. It's a temptation too great to resist.But it turns out, I'm not the only one keeping secrets.And now, the impossible choice I have to make could wreck us both...

Elaina Jadin Romance Books

WILD HEAT

mfm menage · contemporary romance
standalone · steamy

wild heat is a steamy standalone ménage romance with a pulse-pounding storyline, two scorching-hot heroes, and a leading lady who holds her own in the face of danger.


Wild Heat Steamy Menage Romance MFM Twins

Wild heat

Trapped in the remote mountains by a dangerous wildfire with two rugged men, the last thing I expect is for my heart to go up in flames...

On vacation, I'm ready to unplug and unwind. No distractions—just a quiet hiking trip in the mountains to soak in the scenic beauty of nature.But the universe has other ideas.First, there’s my back-country guide, Chase. He’s expertly skilled and devastatingly handsome, with piercing eyes, toned muscles, and a smoldering, flirty smile that completely disarms me.Then, Chase’s identical twin brother, Hugh—a hunky, tough-as-nails skydiving firefighter—crash lands near us in the middle of the night when a severe wildfire breaks out.The blaze sweeps through the mountains with terrifying speed, driving us deeper into the wilderness. Fortunately, these rugged men know this land like the back of their hands. It’s isolated, untamed, and dangerous, just the way they like it.But they weren't prepared for me, or the intense heat simmering between us.Can we survive this raging inferno with our lives—and our hearts—intact?

Elaina Jadin Romance Books

reverse harem · romantic suspense · medium burn
completed series · steamy

the code is a reverse harem romantic suspense series with heart, humor, and heat. it features former military men, a heroine trying to make it in the tech industry despite obstacles, irresistible chemistry, thrilling action with twists and turns, positive female friendships, and an amazing cast of characters you'll fall head-over-heels for.


Vested Interest The Code Series Reverse Harem Romance

Vested Interest

Being pursued by five powerful men is the last thing I expected...

As former marines, they're used to facing down formidable opponents and getting the job done no matter what stands in their way.Now, they run a prestigious tech firm together. They're at the top of their game—seductively handsome, dangerously smart, and extremely wealthy.But they're determined to win more than just the bid for my new program—they've set their sights on me.


Hidden Agenda The Code Series Reverse Harem Romance

Hidden Agenda

The men of Pentabyte have raised their bid for my program—and my affection...

They seem to be everything I want, but I’m in uncharted territory and nothing is guaranteed.As the competition grows fierce, I know the bad luck I've run into isn't coincidence. Someone malicious is striking out from the shadows, threatening me and the people I love at every turn.Can I trust my heart, or is it just another bargaining chip in this dangerous game?


Broken Process The Code Series Reverse Harem Romance

Broken Process

A past encounter comes back with a vengeance, throwing my world into chaos...

One enemy has emerged from the shadows but others are still unknown, and now I'm faced with a choice that could change the lives of everyone around me forever.The closer I grow to the men of Pentabyte, the murkier and more dangerous things become.With their mysterious history and ties to dark ops, perhaps not everything is as it seems...


Risky Business The Code Series Reverse Harem Romance

Risky Business

It all comes down to this. My business, my life, and my heart...

One chance to take my life back and walk away with everything I've ever dreamed of.The guys insist on risking it all to help me—their business, their freedom, and their love. If this mission doesn’t succeed, we'll be torn apart and ruined.But if it does… can I dare to be forever with five?


Perfect Design The Code Series Reverse Harem Romance

Perfect Design

The darkest hours of my life led me to this.

My code was supposed to be my ticket to financial freedom, but I've found so much more.Family. Friendship. Belonging. And love, multiplied in ways I never imagined possible.My wildest dreams are on the brink of coming true. There’s only one more thing I need to do…

Elaina Jadin Romance Books

Stone Brothers

reverse harem · contemporary romance · fast burn
completed duet · spicy

the stone brothers is a sizzling reverse harem two-book series featuring a sweet and fiery romance with intense chemistry and three sexy, dirty-talking mountain men with firm hands. this duet has enough steam to melt the snow off the mountains and a heart-tugging, emotional storyline full of feel-good holiday sweetness.


Mountain Fever Stone Brothers Series Reverse Harem Romance

Mountain Fever

A mountain rescue, a wicked blizzard, and three rugged, hot-as-sin brothers, who all want her...

An accident sends Addie tumbling into our lives, shattering our quiet isolation.We're none too pleased about having an uninvited guest, especially since this storm's going to last a while. But she's got sweetness and sass, not to mention seriously tempting curves.Soon the fire isn't the only thing heating up our cabin, but once we've had her between us, letting her go might not be so easy...


Mountain Cure Stone Brothers Series Reverse Harem Romance

Mountain Cure

Addie found the cure for her wounded heart in the place she least expected...

There's nowhere I'd rather be than in the arms of these three passionate, dominant men. As spark fly, we discover more than just the heat of desire—a connection so deep it shakes us all.We've lit a fire none of us expected, but my time in Meadowbrook is almost over.Will the embers between us cool and die, or will our unconventional romance grow into a lasting inferno?

Elaina Jadin Romance Books

Lost Souls Series

reverse harem · paranormal romance · slow burn
series in progress · steamy

lost souls is a fun reverse harem series that combines romantic comedy with paranormal cozy mystery for a devilish good time. this series has heat, humor, and hijinks. dive into the steamy misadventure of fallen angels, wickedly hot men, and the mysterious cases of the seven deadly sins these misbehavers get roped into.


Speak of the Devils Lost Souls Series Reverse Harem Romance

Speak of the devils

One night in Vegas. That's all it took to fall from grace and land in serious hot water.

Now I'm in probation—one more mistake and I'll be permanently expelled from Heaven and stripped of my wings.I'm supposed to be making amends by saving wayward humans from deadly sins. But the powers-that-be saw fit to pair me with three sexy troublemakers who won’t stop eye-banging me—the very same fallen angels who helped get me into this disaster in the first place.Xander, Malakai, and Raziel. They’re devilishly handsome, wickedly charming, and absolutely up to no good.They’re definitely going straight back to Hell. And they’re trying their damnedest to take me with them…


Speak of the Devils Lost Souls Series Reverse Harem Romance

No Rest For The Wicked

Book two of the Lost Souls series is coming soon!

Find out what Astrid and those three devious, sexy fallen angels are up to in the next case from the Deadly Sins Bureau!

Elaina Jadin Romance Books

collections

special box set editions

grab your favorite series with these box sets


Blackfang Barons Fawn Box Set Complete Series by Elaina Jadin

BLACKFANG BARONS

COMPLETE TRILOGY BOX SET EDITION

We aren’t her saviors. We’re her worst nightmare.

We’ve been called vicious monsters. Brutal. Cold. Savage.
We rule the criminal underworld the same way we rule our pack—with absolute control. We take what we want and demand complete obedience.
When she comes to us, she’s damaged. Fragile. Wounded. And oh so tempting.
Soft skin, haunted eyes, and a darkness inside her that sets us on edge.
She’s not broken… yet. But that’s what we do best.For thirty days she belongs to us, the Blackfang Barons. She’s ours, to do with as we please.She thinks it’ll be easy. That we’ll have mercy on her. That we’ll use a gentle touch. And that she’ll be able to walk away from us at the end of the month.She’s wrong.Our little fawn will come to know our cruel strength. She’ll see the fierce beasts prowling inside us. Feel the hunger of the wolf’s teeth against her throat.And she’ll beg for more.


Stone Brothers Series Box Set Mountain Man Reverse Harem Romance

Stone Brothers

COMPLETE DUET BOX SET EDITION


A mountain rescue, a wicked blizzard, and three rugged, hot-as-sin men, who all want her.

An accident sends Addie tumbling into our lives, shattering our quiet isolation.We're none too pleased about having an uninvited guest, especially since this storm's going to last a while. But she's got sweetness and sass, not to mention seriously tempting curves.Soon the fire isn't the only thing heating up our cabin, but once we've had her between us, letting her go might not be so easy...


The Code Series Reverse Harem Romantic Suspense Box Set

The Code Box Set ONE

books 1, 2, and 3


Mixing business with pleasure has never been so tempting...

Multiple companies are in a bidding war for my new software, but the men of Pentabyte are determined to get what they want, at any price—and they want me.They're at the top of their game—seductively handsome, cunning, and wealthy. When their desire to acquire my new security program takes an intimate turn, it's an offer I can't refuse.But not everything is as it seems.An unknown enemy is lurking in the shadows, playing dangerous games with my life and threatening to turn my entire world upside down.Everything I've worked for is on the line. Do I dare let my guard down when the stakes are this high?


The Code Reverse Harem Romance Series Box Set Elaina Jadin

The Code Box Set TWO

books 4, 5, and 6


Everything is at stake. My code, my life, and my heart...

Despite the dark moments we’ve endured, a small ray of hope has been revealed. Now, it all comes down to this. One chance to strike back and bring a malevolent empire crashing to the ground. One chance to possibly walk away with everything I've ever dreamed of.My program was supposed to be my ticket to financial freedom, but I've found so much more. The men of Pentabyte insist on risking everything to help me—their business, their freedom, and their love.If this mission doesn’t succeed, we'll be torn apart and ruined. But if it does… can I dare to be forever with five?

Elaina Jadin Romance Books

Signed Books and Swag



Elaina Jadin Romance Books

RETURNS AND EXCHANGES

Due to the nature of the personalized, made-to-order items in the store, unless an order arrives damaged or defective, I can't accept returns or exchanges for most items. Please contact me with 14 days of delivery if there is a problem with your order.


ITEMS THAT CANNOT BE RETURNED

• personalized products
• customized swag
• made-to-order items
• signed paperbacks
• digital downloads


DELIVERED ITEMS

All packages are shipped with tracking. If an order shows as delivered but you did not receive it, please check with your postal service. I cannot issue refunds for items that are shown as delivered.


CONDITIONS OF RETURN

Buyers are responsible for return shipping costs. Items are expected to be returned in the original condition in which they were received—if they are not, the buyer is responsible for any loss in value.


QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR ORDER?

Contact me if you have questions or concerns about your order.


Elaina Jadin Romance Books

A sneak peek from the Meadowbrook world

THINGS LEFT UNSAID

a prelude to ann's story


Annabel—

I don’t know why I’m writing this. It’ll never find its way to your mailbox, even if I knew where to send it. But I don’t know what the hell to do with myself, so here I am, sitting on my bed at two a.m. with a notebook in my hand, scribbling this out like it’ll somehow make the soul-crushing weight in my chest ease up a little.Good thing I’m not mailing this anywhere because you know my chicken scratch handwriting that you always gave me hell about? Well, it looks extra shitty right now. My eyes are blurry, my throat is burning, and I can barely see this goddamn page.Fuck. How is it possible that it’s only been two months since I had you in my arms? It feels like a lifetime since I kissed you goodbye.Maybe it’s knowing that it might have been the last time I ever get to kiss you. Damn, I could barely even write that. It seems too real to be laid out here on the page in black ink. It’s like that was the last time I was able to breathe, and every day that you’ve been gone there’s less and less oxygen in the world.There are so many things I didn’t say to you, Ann. It’s the way it had to be, and I know that. You had to go, and no amount of wishing and wanting could change that. If I’d told you all the things that I’d longed to say, it would have just made letting you go that much harder. But now I’m left with the weight of all the unspoken things, and I swear to fuck it feels like it might just kill me. This ache, it’s unrelenting. Unbearable.Ben would give me shit if he saw this letter. He’d say it’s just the ramblings of a man who’s had too much to drink and too much time to think. But he’d be wrong. Whiskey is my truth serum. Maybe that’s why I never drank it around you.I know he’s hurting, too. Neither of us can bring ourselves to even whisper your name aloud, but I see it in his eyes, in the shadows that hang over him. He doesn’t have to say a word for me to know his pain matches my own, that he’s as haunted by your absence as I am. Sometimes he sits by the window in the den for hours at a time, just staring out at the mountains, looking utterly lost. Hell, I guess we both are.I don’t know how it happened, but you became a part of me. Like way down deep in my bones. And I don’t know who I am without you now. Neither of us do.That night at the swimming hole, I almost told you. I almost said the words aloud. We’d just worked out the details of the plan, and for the first time in ages, you felt the weight of the world lift off your shoulders for just a second. We felt so smart, didn’t we?But while we were busy congratulating ourselves for being clever masterminds, it hit me. The very plan that would save your life would also take you away from us. And it almost spilled out of me right then—all the things I’ve wanted to confess so many times.Then I looked at you, snuggled up beside Ben, and I just couldn’t. The two of you looked so damn good together. The light of the fire was dancing off your face and my brother was making you laugh. You were smiling from the inside out, and it was just too perfect.God, I miss that smile so much.I didn’t have the right to send you off with a head full of my jumbled words. I didn’t want your memories of our time together to be colored by knowing how much it would break my heart to say goodbye to you. It would only have added to the pain you’ve been carrying so bravely all these years.So I’ll say them here, instead. I’ll keep your secret for the rest of my life and never utter a word to anyone. That’s a promise I’ll keep forever.But these words, I have to get them out.Remember that time we hiked up to the overlook in the dark—the night we caught fireflies, and Ben nearly danced you right off the edge of the cliff? You asked about our parents, and I told you the whole sordid story. Then I told you I didn’t believe in love.That was a lie. I was already in love with you then, so much that it scared me.I knew from the first moment I laid eyes on you that you’d change my world. Standing there by your locker freshman year, with your hair tucked behind your ear and a stack of books cradled in your arms, frowning at the broken sandal strap on your right foot as though you were trying to will it back together with just the power of that scowl.But I couldn’t have known then how much you’d change my life. How much I’d grow to love you.It still terrifies me. All this time I’ve felt like holding onto you was like trying to grab a shooting star from the sky. I knew it wouldn’t end well. I knew that every moment we had was stolen, that it would all catch up to us one day, and you’d slip through our fingers. Ben knew it, too, yet both of us were powerless to stop it.I wish we’d had more time together. But I might as well be wishing for the moon. No amount of time would have ever been enough. I’ve never gotten my fill of you, and it kills me a little more each day to think I never will. If you were here right now, I’d never fucking let you go. Now that I know what it’s like without you, yeah… I couldn’t do it again. I barely had the strength to do it the first time.But I don’t regret it, not for a minute. Not the lies we had to tell. Not the dirty whispers that follow us now. Not the threats from your brothers. Not even this fucking heartache.Truth is, I’m goddamn grateful for it.Because I feared that your time here would end a different way. And being apart from you is nothing compared to what it would feel like to know you were gone forever. My heart can’t take even the thought of losing you that way.It’s a good thing you’ll never know how much it hurts to be apart from you. That I sit here lying awake night after night with memories of you haunting me. That Ben has decided to finish his degree out of state because he can’t stand being in Meadowbrook without you.There’s an aching hollowness inside me, a relentless hunger that can’t be sated. I woke up with it the morning after you left, and it’s been there ever since. I know it’s a longing for a life that can never be, a space in my soul that only you can fill. The ache is sharpest at night, when I’m alone and I only have my thoughts of you for company. My mind plays these cruel games—what if things had been different… what if we’d figured out another way? Would you be here beside me right now, your warm body curled up against mine? But I try my damnedest not to even think about it. It’s just fucking torturous.It’s good you don’t know these things. It’s even better that I can’t be tempted to tell you, since I don't have an inkling of where you are. If I did, I don't think I could stop myself from showing up at your door one day.I like to think that you shed your old life the moment you were gone from Meadowbrook, allowing you to step into a bright new future. Because all the darkness? It found us the day you left, cloaking our hearts and minds, sucking up the light from our world and now we’re practically drowning in the black void of a life without you.That darkness clings to me like a second skin. At times, like tonight, it threatens to suffocate me, to just swallow me whole. But bittersweet memories and this ache of black emptiness is all I have left of you, so I embrace it. Perhaps it’s fitting. Afterall, we became the villains in your story.That’s the only thing holding me together—knowing you made it out of here. That we helped you escape a terrible fate, and now your life can finally be full of joy and happiness and all the things you deserve.I want this new chapter of your life to be amazing, for you to have the fresh start you so desperately need. As much as it kills me, I know the best thing Ben and I can do for you is to stay away. To let you erase all of the past from your mind, even if that means forgetting us, too.I hope with time you can forget the tears, the fear, the moments that made you so scared you couldn’t stop trembling even when Ben and I held you close.I hope you let it all go and never look back.

—Brad


Note: Ann's story does not have a release date yet.You can always find the lastest updates and book news by joining my Facebook group or mailing list.

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